I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
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I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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