i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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