i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
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Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
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I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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