I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize