No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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