True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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