It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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