dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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