Having a random hookup so left but love u
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize