Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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