Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize