why didn't you poke me back
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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