I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
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I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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