Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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