Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
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It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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