I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize