Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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