I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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