He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Found the puke drawer
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
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Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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