Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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