The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize