you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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