I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize