Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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