i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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