So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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