My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i believe in u and ur pee
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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