not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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