Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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