Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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