Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize