So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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