i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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