I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize