NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
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Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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