Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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