So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I still have a little drunk in my system
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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