I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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