the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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