I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She's not a foreskin expert like you
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Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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