I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
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So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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