THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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