this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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