I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize