oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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