More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
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When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
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What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
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