I don't remember. Are we still dating?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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