I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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