Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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