my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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